Cos today, i'm going for the December Rains thing, right? And my mum signed the consent form a few weeks ago.

Then yesterday night, my dad asked me if i will be going back to school today. I said yes, then told him about 5pm the YOG Hui Xuan and birthday bash blahblah, then when i mentioned the Chinese play would end about 11pm(as in reach school around 11pm), he got angry and asked me why i didn't tell him earlier.

I mean c'mon, why do my parents tell each other stuffs that i don't wish to let both of them know, and when i expect one to tell the other about it, they dont?? -.-

So yeah my dad was talking to me in a raised voice. Then he went back into the room. A few seconds later he came back out, and he said, "Mummy say she have no idea what you talking about."

Wtfh?!

So i brought that paper with the info about the play into the room. The consent form was already signed and handed in to teacher, how can she not know about it?!

The moment i stepped into the room, I said, "MUMMY ITS THE DECEMEBER RAINS PLAY LA!" And THEN she "ohhhhh...." to me. /:

But then my dad still scolded me -.-

He said that next time if got events end late, must give HIM the consent form, and not my mum. Cos he's the driver(if he were to fetch me home) .

For the past 8 years, ALL my consent forms are signed by my mum ! And there ARE events that ended late.

And then he said something about disallowing me if its too late or something like that.

I kinda protested and said that it was a CHINESE play and our teacher wants us to go.

And guess what.

"I DON'T CARE OKAY."

-.-

Why is he disallowing me from everything? Why??

People can play comp for the whole day, and score SUPERDUPER well.

Or maybe just like my bro - He plays comp the whole day, and his results come back surprisingly well. WHY ?

Why can people slack and get good results, while i can't? Its unfair, its really unfair..

I can't excel in piano, i can't excel in Taekwando, i can't excel in skating, i can't excel in swimming.I just quit after awhile.

I quit Taekwando cos i didn't have time anymore. I already achieved poom belt so yeah thats it. Piano. I acheived Grade5. Quit cos i didn't have time as well. Then lost interest. I just couldn't do well. I just like piano because of the nice songs. But why can't i just play them well??

Skating. Skating is fun . I had no proper lessons. I just like to skate around. WITH FRIENDS. And because no one has time to skate, i neglected my skates. I'm sorry, for wasting your money.

Swimming? I never had any interest in it. You kept reminding me that its important. I tried to make myself think that way too, but i'm sorry.. I just don't have such stamina to swim laps and learn more. I just don't have the interest.

Because of all those, I am now having doubts on trying out new stuffs. Playing the guitar, for an example. I'm worried that i'll lose interest and your money will be wasted yet again.

Maybe, maybe i have to force myself to swim.. Just to be able to go sailing with Jeremiah, Sam, and the others.. Just to be able to go Wild Wild Wet... Other water activites.... Because now, you're disallowing me from going near water.

I have never continued anything i liked since young, you say? No, you're wrong. I liked singing and look, now i'm still in Choir . I never stopped singing. Or maybe you just think that singing is nothing. Its not nothing . Its just the same as swimming, skating, or taekwando. Its an interest.

Or maybe i'm just too dumb.. You compare me with Triston and Austin, but have you forgotten that i'm not them? I am VERY different from them. I can't be like them, sporty children. They have the stamina, I don't. Its unfair for you to compare me with them. They can run, play table tennis, badminton, swim, play pool, WOW. WOWWWW. I am SO impressed.

But MUST i be like them? Why can't i just stick to my own stuffs? Must I be like them, then you'll be happy ?

Must i give up everything, my computer, my handphone..? And then just mug all day and night? And then I can come back with satisfying results?

I think that even if i give up all those, i won't come back with good results.. I'm just too stupid.. I can't sustain good results...

Primary one to three , i sustained Band1 for all subjects. I dropped tremendously after that. And Primary 6, the major exam came. PSLE. And, in the top class, i achieved just a pathetic 232 . I even did worse than those in the forth class.

Sec1 . I did fairly well. Boon Soon Neo Award. wow.

Sec2? Failing Geog, which i had A1 for sec 1. History as well. English? I topped the class for the compre section in Sec1. Sec2? Last in class.

Do you know how hard is it to accept that? From top, to LAST.

And you just blame it all on me using computer and handphone.

You were angry that i exceeded the outgoing calls. So i stopped. and now you're scolding me for smses. FREE SMSES. Why do you even give me unlimited smses when you're limiting me?

Do you really believe that if i give up my computer and handphone, i will do well?

Do you know that i come home everyday just a few minutes earlier than you do?

Do you know that I only use the comp at night, most of the times just after i finish the SHITLOAD of homework per day? And you just scold me for overshooting the 10pm rule by a little. I finish my homework at 10pm, and i just wanna use for a little while. And now you're threatening me by cutting off the internet line by 10pm.

DO YOU KNOW, that most of the time i end by 10.30pm, then go to bed? And you're saying i use till 11+ , 12+ ? How will you know? you're not even in the same room as me. The person using late at night isn't me okay, its Kakak . And she uses the comp at night because she wants to watch her indonesian show which is at night.

Must i prove to you that computer and handphone isn't affecting my studies, by mugging all day, then coming back with the same results?

Must i suffer all those, then you'll believe me, dad?

My life is pathetic. Pathetic shit.

Nothing goes well.

Geog and History dropped. Geog - Failed for the paper, but barely passed for overall. History - Barely passed the paper. I don't know about overall.

English? Speechless. Used to top the class for the compre papers. Now ? Failing/just passed. Last term, i was the second last person . Can you believe it? From top, to last? Does anyone even understand how hurt and depressed i feel ? Who can I talk to ? So what if i talk to someone about it? It doesn't help, it doesn't help..

Now, all i can do is to wait for my other results to come back . The only subject i'm doing rather well in is Science . Wow. Wow.

I don't know..I don't know..... I seriously hate my screwed up life. I have a loving family, but why am i still like that? I shouldn't be. I should be a happy girl leading a happy life . My friends around me have not-so-good family background. They're in worse cases than me. I should be feeling happy i have a good family. I am happy . But only happy because of that. The other parts of my life sucks.