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CHERYL♥AVIARY;
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Choices choices choices.
Tuesday, 24 September 2013 @ 23:20
I seriously hate how indecisive i am. Sometimes i can't even make the simplest decisions on Earth. And when it comes to tough choices, i break down. Yes, stupid isn't it? It has already happened thrice. THREE times. One was when i didn't know what subjects to choose during Sec 2, the other was the choice of diploma course i wanted to go to, and today, just 1 hour ago, was the third time. About whether or not to take up the diploma plus programme.

Whenever i can't make such big decisions, i ask around for help. And then when i ask my parents, it's that point of time that makes me cry. It's like, suddenly there's so much stress overwhelming me just over this stupid decision-making issue. And i feel so burdened by it and so stressed, that i start to cry. You may think that i'm being such a crybaby. I know, i don't want to be like that either. But for some reason i'd just feel so tortured and confused and i'd cry.

Sometimes i wish i hadn't asked my parents for advice. Or wish that my parents didn't have such...perfect, sound advice. Because before i ask my parents, i'd always have this inclination to the "bad" or "unpopular" side of the decision, then when my parents' advice come in, it pushes me to the opposite direction. That's why it makes me feel even more confused and at a loss of what to choose, leading to me crying. Ironic, isn't it. People love those that can give good advice and stuff, while i am over here complaining about how good my parent's advices always are.Sigh.

But after much thinking (and crying), i finally decided to go against what my dad told me, and not take up the diploma plus. I really don't want to put my GPA at risk. I'm sorry for always sticking to a routined life, for not daring to try new stuff, for not making myself feel confident on going a different route. But i really don't have the motivation or feeling to try it this time..i know i can't work well under too much stress, and perhaps this additional subject would be one too many. What if i break down like that too? My GPA is gonna affect my future.

I know that not everyone gets such an opportunity, and i can drop it after realising i can't cope and stuff, but i don't feel the need to put in the extra effort and time on an additional subject that is just a spare tyre in the end..I might as well use this time to focus fully on my main modules, so as to achieve high enough a GPA to get to a good university, right?

Sigh..I just hope i won't regret this after deciding.