welcome, yo.
I don't know how you managed to stumble upon this blog, but yeah hello anyway. Feel free to explore and leave a tag, even though i know my tagboard's filled with nothing but adverts now. /:CHERYL♥AVIARY;
CHERYL♥AVIARY;
Hi there. The name's CHERYL. Was in Pasir Ris Primary, St. Hilda's Secondary and Temasek Polytechnic's Veterinary Technology, currently in Nanyang Technological University's Biological Sciences. A '96 baby getting older every year on 26th May. Started this blog when i was Primary 5, and i refuse to delete it cos it holds all my memories, both good and bad. (: |
A day before my birthday.
Wednesday, 25 May 2011 @ 22:11
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I have a really sucky feeling in me right now . It just feels like, every girl in this world is being loved by at least one guy. Or even girls that don't deserve certain guys, still get them. Me? I don't get anyone.
I'm not being...lovesick or whatever this feeling is, i just feel lonely in this world..
I know, i do have friends around me. But whenever i hear people, my friends, talking about their stead, or even just hearing gossip and seeing photos of them , i get jealous and upset, and just..lonely all over again.
I still don't understand whats going on in my heart. Its like, my heart is fooling around with me. I feel like i love him , yet i feel like i love another him. It seriously sucks.
None of them know about my feelings. And both of them have their own..people they love. So. I'd just stand by the side.
Whats worse is that i'm surely being labelled a boyfriend-stealer, or a bitch, or anything insulting now. I hate it when she glares at me. I feel uncomfortable. I did nothing wrong...right?.
Can't i just be friends? Its unfair , i know she is being unreasonable and i shouldn't get upset and give her in and stuff..but, i can't be selfish. I keep telling him to just ignore her selfish actions and stuff. I even once told him to break up with her.
But now, i think to myself...what the heck am i doing?? Why am i doing this? I know i'm trying to help him, cos he just feels nothing but sadness. Every night, i hear a different situation, with a common thing - she is angry with him/she is ignoring him. And he is so upset. So thats why i'm doing this. To help him feel better.
But i shouldn't be doing this. Why am i breaking them up? Even if breaking up is good for him, he will just feel even more upset. I can't just break them up like that..
At the same time, i feel really annoyed when he complains to me every night.
No, not because he complains. Its because she is just making him upset everyday. I feel so irritated cos she's taking him for granted.
But why, why am i so concerned?.. Is it because he's a really close friend of mine? Or is he more than a friend to me?..
I don't understand myself..
At the same time, 3 years i've been waiting in silence. Yet i don't know why am i waiting. Not talking to him for 3 years definitely creates a huge gap between us. I can just say that i don't know him at all now. People change, his likes and dislikes i used to know, probably all changed as well. His personality probably change too. So why am i still holding on?
I feel like, i'm just holding on with one hand. Just so unstable..i don't know if i still love him. Why is this matter always so troublesome??
Sigh.
What a way to celebrate my birthday which is coming in approximately one and half hours..they don't even know its my birthday tomorrow. Maybe Facebook will just remind them. It doesn't even feel like tomorrow's my birthday. It just feels like a typical day.
How life sucks now. I pretend to be happy every single day, just to make my friends happy, just to cheer him up. But inside, i really feel upset...
I admit my friends do make me feel truly happy, the jokes, the stories they share, the funny insults...but when i'm back home, alone, i just feel..upset again.
Oh well.. shan't talk too much. Have to keep him awake for his girlfriend, better reply him fast or he'll fall asleep and get ignored by her again..